What to say in your first message on a dating app (with examples)

You’ve matched with someone interesting. Now what? The first message matters more than most people think: it’s the difference between a conversation and a match that goes nowhere. Here’s how to start well.

Skip “hi”, say something real

“Hi” or “hello beautiful” is easy to send and easy to ignore. Instead, mention something specific from their profile and ask a question about it. It shows you actually read it, and it gives them something to answer.

Instead of: “Hi, how are you?”

Try:

• “Is that photo at Doi Suthep? I’ve been wanting to go. Did you climb all the steps?”
• “You said you love street food. What’s the one dish everyone visiting Bangkok should try?”
• “I see you’re learning Japanese. How’s it going? I can help with the hard parts.”

Ask open questions

Questions that start with what, how or why invite a story. Questions that can be answered with “yes” or “no” end the conversation. “What do you like to do on weekends?” works better than “Do you like movies?”

Keep it light and short

A first message should be two or three sentences, not a paragraph. Leave the heavy topics, such as past relationships, money or marriage plans, for much later. Compliments are nice, but focus on what someone chose to share, like their hobbies or travels, rather than only their looks.

Chatting across languages

Many conversations on ThaiLovely mix Thai, English and Japanese. A few tips:

• Write simply. Short sentences and simple words are easier to understand and to translate.
• Use a translation app, then check it. It’s fine to use one, but read the result back. Machine translation can turn a polite message into an odd one.
• Learn a few words. A simple “sawasdee khrap” or “sawasdee kha” (hello) or “khob khun” (thank you) in Thai, or “konnichiwa” and “arigato” in Japanese, shows real effort.
• Be patient. Replies may take longer when someone is writing in a second language. Emojis help with tone.

Make your profile easy to message

The best first messages come from good profiles, so make yours easy to reply to.

• Use recent, clear photos that show your face, ideally smiling. Add one or two that show what you enjoy, such as travel, food or sport.
• Avoid sunglasses and group shots as your main photo.
• Write a short, specific bio. “I make the best som tam in Khon Kaen and I’m looking for someone to try it” is more inviting than “I like travel and food.”
• Get verified. Members need to verify their age and identity before sending messages, and the verified badge reassures the people you write to.

Know when to move on

If someone doesn’t reply, or the conversation fades, don’t take it personally and don’t send message after message. Everyone has busy days. And if someone is rude or makes you uncomfortable, you can block and report them at any time.

From chat to date

Once you’ve exchanged a few good messages, suggest meeting somewhere simple and public. Need ideas? See our Bangkok date ideas and Chiang Mai date spots, and read our first date safety tips before you go.